I love babies. I used to think "Oh, that baby is really cute and sweet, sure I'll take care of it as long as you pick it up by the end of the night."
Then I was diagnosed with an ovarian tumor. I would never have a child of my own and it was something, yet again, that I had to deal with on my own. I think it depressed me for a few weeks. I knew what had to be done. But it made me sad in a way, that most women feel they know they'll have children of their own.
I kept away from having children before because of the expense. I couldn't imagine how I could possibly afford to have a child. But now, when I know I never will, I wish I'd ignored that rational thinking. I wish I had a child. Someone I can play with, who would love me unconditionally and someone I can care for. Someone I could watch grow into the adult. Someone who would carry on my line.
But things happen in life that you have no control over. And I believe God has some mission for me if I'm to be alone and childless. And I'll figure out what that is soon.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Casa de los Niños and the NICU unit at UMC both often need volunteers to rock babies. Just mentioning that. The woman who owned our house before us in Tucson never had any children. She had a miscarriage shortly after her first year of marriage in the '20s. Then her husband died under mysterious circumstances when his hotel (Congress) went bankrupt. She never remarried, and she lived in that house until the day she died. The neighbors remember her as the neighborhood babysitter, surrogate mother, adopter of stray animals, in general: part of what made the neighborhood great. I was honored to live in her home.
ReplyDeleteYou never know what God may drop into your lap.
That would make me Miss Havasham.
ReplyDelete