Missing my family

It's hard to live alone and miss your family so much. I know that Caroline, Anthony and Hope aren't far away. I know that my tios aren't far away -- between Phoenix and Tucson. That's comforting.

It's my mother, my father and my grandmother I miss. It's my cousins Melinda and Steven, and my Aunt Mary (Pee Wee).

I had to deal with death at an early age. My great-grandmother who lived with us died when I was 5. My Grandmother Jackman died when I was 6. My sister, Susan died when I was 11. My mom when I was 30 and my father when I was 41. And I lost Grandma, Stephen and Melinda at 41, too.

Sometimes, it feels like I've lived my entire life in grief, but I do the best I can to make my ancestors proud.

Right now, I don't think they are so proud. I can't even get a job at one of the casinos.

It's pretty depressing.